Have you ever felt burned out, dear reader?
A few years ago I was in a downward spiral of burnout and feeling really hopeless.
NOTHING was working.
Business sucked.
I had no friends.
My horses hated me.
No one would care if I never showed my face again.
I felt like a complete and utter failure.
I was working SO hard and getting nowhere.
(None of these things were actually true, but they sure felt that way.)
Suddenly this thought ripped through my head–
“But, WHO WILL I BE if I quit. trying. so. hard?”
I knew I had some work to do. My identity–the “who will I be?” part– was all wrapped up in performance. Some of it I was aware of, but not to this degree.
What I “thought” was
- It’s really uncomfortable for me to try something that I’m not reasonably sure I can do well the first time. Usually, if I don’t think I’ll be good at something, I just won’t try it.
- Risking people being mad at me or not liking me? That would be horrible!
- If I’m not an expert, then why would anyone choose me?
What I believed was
- Unless I am perfect or what I do is perfect, it has no value.
- Unless I make other people happy, I have no value.
- Unless I am don’t have all the answers, I have no value.
I know I’m not the only one.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a performance mindset to some degree. Our school system, our culture rewards performance and results above character, values, and being genuine. I’m not saying performance isn’t important–it is. I certainly want the designer of that bridge I drive over every day to be an expert–but when you have a belief that you’re only valued for what you do, it’s crushing.
(Don’t think this is you? When’s the last time you had a day where you did NOTHING and didn’t feel like you were being “lazy?”)
Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and proving are soul-killing beliefs that have their foundation in a performance identity.
I know in my head it’s impossible for everyone I meet to like me.
I know in my head that I’m not perfect.
I know in my head that I don’t have all the answers.
Knowing in your head and knowing in your body are two different things. We’re very disconnected from ourselves in this day. Reconnecting to our authentic, true self and the needs we have as human beings is simultaneously grounding and freeing.
Contact me today to overcome burnout and be refreshed again as you reconnect to your body and yourself.
