I could take up my space as long I was the only one in it. No problem. And it was easy to feel self-assured when my role as an expert, teacher, or speaker gave me legitimacy as a leader. But, usually, as soon as my time up front was over, I’d go right back to feeling small again. Like a fraud.
The solution became crystal clear a couple of years ago.
In an online workshop, the facilitator guided us to move slowly backward and forward in our space, paying attention to what the experience was like. Slowing things down made a big impact. When we stepped backward, we were instructed to put our awareness on “Self.” When we went forward, our attention was on “Other.” It was slow and very simple, but so powerful.
After moving slowly back and forth a few times, I experienced something I couldn’t ignore.
Going backward and putting my attention on Self felt nourishing. When I moved forward and shifted my attention to Other (people, the environment, other situations, etc.) there was an emptiness. My physical body had moved through space, but my spiritual/emotional self, the “being” part of me, didn’t come. The part of me that came forward was a shell of “doing.”
I had left my Self behind.
This explained why I needed approval from outside myself to feel “legitimate” as a leader. It was the reason I could feel confident and powerful when alone, but like an imposter in the presence of others. But that workshop changed everything and what happened in the next few hours created a huge and wonderful shift in my life.
I was due to meet a woman for some networking. As she was giving me a tour of her workplace, I noticed that I didn’t have any of my typical “first-time meeting” jitters. There was no fear of her not liking me or wondering what she’d think of me. I couldn’t remember when I’d last felt completely comfortable in my own skin–especially with someone I’d never met.
I’ve always felt like I was the weird one in my family and moving my body back and forth to feel “big on the inside” definitely classified as “weird.” But this day, I audaciously shared my experience with my new friend.
I parroted the facilitator and we played with moving and shaping our bodies in different ways. When I next heard from her a few weeks later, she shared that she’d had a huge insight that day and that, yes, it was time for her to make the career shift she’d been considering.
Awed by this simple, yet nuanced structure, I received extensive training in this modality and it has shifted my nervous system permanently in the very best way. Being *in* my body, instead of leaving my Self behind has had an irreversible impact.
I’m bolder and more confident–alone and with others. I’ve written and said things I never would have said without feeling like I was faking or trying to talk myself into believing it. It’s not that I *never* feel small, but I have the tools to make changes in the moment.
I feel less need to control other people or situations. I give myself grace and compassion when I mess things up. I’m more generous. My people-pleasing tendencies are at an all time low. I’m more at peace and I *love* more and better.
Taking up *my* space. ALL of it. No more. No less.
It’s a good thing.
If you’d like to experience a taste of what I got that day, join my next free monthly workshop here.
