Something happened last week that made me sooooo angry. The details aren’t important. The anger had been building for a while, I had been blowing it off.
That evening, it was time to let the horses out of their stalls after eating. As I got to the barn, I felt an undeniable urge to scream.
Even though it wasn’t directed at them, the horses felt my energy immediately and they banged up against their stall doors, wanting to get away. Interrupted by their (very valid) request, I put a lid on my anger for a moment and let them out.
I could still feel the energy in my body and knew it needed to be expressed. For once, I allowed the energy to lead me. I ran hard and fast in place, arms tense and pumping, feet stomping. A guttural sound arose from my throat several times. My whole core and legs were engaged. I extended my arms, feeling the space–my space. Next, I could see the energy extending several yards away and I filled that space with it, too. It felt like raw power.
Within moments, it all subsided. The energy wasn’t gone. Instead, it felt organized and contained, ready to be used as fuel for taking action. For the rest of the day, I felt powerful. Not a power over, but a power from within. My energy flowed instead of being stuck.
Anger is an emotion a lot of us are uncomfortable with–in ourselves and in others. I fully admit to being one of these people. In the past, my anger hurt people and ruptured relationships. “It doesn’t do any good or change anything to get angry. It just creates bad feelings,” I told myself.
The truth is that emotions are meant to be expressed. ALL of them, not just the warm, fuzzy ones. Learning to appropriately express anger has been an interesting journey (that I’m still on!). As I’ve learned to tune into my body and become more aware of my emotions and what they’re trying to tell me, it finally feels safe to express anger.
I’m still processing what happened last week in the barn, but one thing I’m really proud of is that I didn’t intellectualize my anger to avoid feeling it. I didn’t rationalize the other person’s behavior with “they didn’t mean it” or “they’re doing their best” or some other excuse for me to avoid feeling angry.
While those things may be true, my experience was also true. Emotions arose and were expressed in a healthy way instead of being pushed down and allowed to fester.
Whatever you’re feeling deserves healthy expression.
Exploring your emotions and how to move them through–and out of– your body is how you get unstuck.
