In the last post, we explored how perfectionism and people-pleasing keeps your system in a state of low-level threat. Many of you wrote back sharing how deeply you resonated with that feeling of guilt when finally allowing yourself to rest.
Today I want to share some specific practices for increasing your capacity for rest that allow you to be creative and take meaningful action. Not through pushing or forcing, but rather through a dance of awareness and practice. I hope it will be especially useful to you around the holidays.
Fear of Stopping
There have been many days in the past when I had lots to do and I was on a roll. I could feel the tired coming on, but I was determined to finish without stopping. I knew if I did stop, it would take a LOT of energy to get going again. This cycle of over-functioning and collapse isn’t healthy or sustainable. I’ve been there.
Starting Where You Are
The most crucial step is to accept your current capacity not where you think you should be. Be honest with yourself. How much capacity do you have in this moment? (It’s OK if it’s not very much.)
Can you notice and take a break when you’re at 80% rather than waiting for complete exhaustion? Celebrate those small shifts in awareness and treat your resistance to acceptance with curiosity rather than judgment.
A little self-compassion goes a long way.
The goal isn’t to eliminate stress or stay permanently relaxed – that’s neither possible nor desirable. Instead, it’s about developing flexibility to move between these states naturally, expanding what we call your “window of tolerance.
Small Moments Matter
Rather than waiting for long periods of rest, scatter micro-moments of regulation throughout your day. Here are some small steps to practice.
- Take 3 conscious breaths before checking email or scrolling (2-second inhale, 8-second exhale)
- Feel your feet on the ground between meetings—and even during them!
- Look around the space you’re in and notice 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch or feel (inside or outside your body), Next notice 2 things your can smell and one thing you can taste.
- Share your wins AND your challenges – both build connection and resilience
- Practice receiving support in small ways (accepting help, taking in compliments)
One Step at a Time
Don’t try these all at once. That’s too big a bite. Instead, choose ONE practice to focus on for a week. See how you feel.
Remember, every time you notice tension and choose to pause, every time you honor a need for rest, you’re rewiring your nervous system. This is neuroplasticity in action – your brain and body learning that it’s safe to operate differently and support you in sustainable success.
What would become possible if you had just 10% more capacity? Where would you feel that first in your body?
