With the maiden name of Klöppel, I was excited about our move to Germany many years back. I was eager to learn the language of my ancestors.
What stood out the most about learning a language as an adult was the importance of prepositions. You know–those little words like around, in, under, above, beyond, off, to. I had to memorize a whole list of them in 4th grade.
Prepositions are important because they are how we express relationship.
The ones I pay attention to the most in my work are found in these questions.
- What’s IN me?
- What’s IN you?
- What’s BETWEEN us?
These are the questions we’re always playing with–and I do mean “play” because they’re always in flux. 🙂
My horses always provide ways for me to explore these questions. The other day, Bentley, had an inconsistent day. Was it me, him, both, or neither?
We started out, as usual, connecting on the ground. He mirrored me beautifully, carrying himself well and not leaning on me. His ability to regulate himself from further away was improving. Once I got on, he offered a few stretchy, relaxed trot steps that felt really good to both of us.
As our ride progressed, in some moments he was relaxed and happy, and in others, he seemed confused or unsure.
I wondered if I was the problem. Was some tension in my body flowing down to him? Maybe it was his tendency to lean on his right shoulder.
In the moment, that didn’t matter. While it would be helpful to know who or what needed “fixing,” the fact is that our nervous systems have inputs from long ago that influence how we relate to each other now.
What was most important was to keep asking the question “What’s *between* us?* Are we listening to each other? Do trust each other? He, like any horse, has people baggage and I have horse baggage.
The question of “the right amount” of space can only be answered within the context of a relationship whether it’s my horse, a client, a family member, or an audience.
“The right amount” is dynamic, not static. This dynamism doesn’t lend itself to the certainty our survival brain so deeply craves, but the sense of aliveness that’s experienced is worth the risk every time.
I find the “right amount” of space is whatever allows me to fully be myself *and* invites and allows the other to be fully themselves.
Wanna come play with me and learn how you can take up the “right” amount of space? My next free workshop is coming soon. You can register here.
