I caught up with an old friend the past few days. She wrote a damn good book, but first it pissed me off. It confronted me with some things about myself I didn’t really want to look at. That’s never comfortable.
When I told her my initial impression of the book, we both laughed.
She’s about 20 years younger than me and I remember always being impressed with how much she was herself. She never put on airs or pretended to be someone or something she wasn’t. She spoke her mind without apology, but rather curiosity. I never felt like she was trying to convince me to agree with her.
We actually disagreed with on some pretty big issues, but it was safe for us to disagree with each other. This was rare then and even rarer now.
Chatting via text about her life and book, she shared with me that many years ago I had given her a real gift when I named the authenticity I saw in her. She couldn’t see it in herself at the time because she was still trapped in the shame created by her childhood trauma.
She was “full of herself” even before she knew it.
When I grew up, “being full of yourself” was associated with an adult with a shaming finger pointed at me intending to “bring me down a few notches.”
Even now I can remember how small I felt because of the shame of taking up too much space with my self-expression.
As I’ve explored a desire for space I’m actively pushing back against this idea.
Being full of myself is exactly the right thing to be. After all, who else am I supposed to be full of?
I am officially reclaiming the idea of “be full of yourself” as something to strive for instead of something to avoid.
Like my client in this story and my friend above–when we are full of our Self, we know where we begin and end. It allows for healthy boundaries and maintaining connection with others. We feel safer and stronger–not just within our own bodies, but others feel safer too. That’s why it was safe for my author friend and I to both disagree and honor one another.
When you are “full of yourself” it permits others to do the same. The cycle continues and keeps on creating safety where healing can occur.
So take up your space and be full of yourself. It feels so good!
Here’s a simple practice to get things started.
Instead of sitting with your legs crossed, put both feet on the floor and allow some space between your knees. Open your chest, and even your heart, and feel the spaciousness there. Put your shoulder blades “in your back pockets.” Notice how it feels different. It may feel unfamiliar and/or uncomfortable. That’s OK. Allow your nervous system to feel it. Practice this a few times a day. Go for a walk with this feeling in your body and notice.
As you continue to practice, your nervous system will recognize it has a greater range of choices in how it responds and you will feel more empowered and confident.
Practice and notice. Repeat. These two small simple things will do a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to expressing what you say more authentically and feeling more connected to yourself and your values.
If you’d like to practice and notice intentionally in a small supportive group, the Practice Lab PLUS is open for registration. Details are here.
Other ways to work with me:
December Workshop: Handle the Holidays with Grace & Ease
January Workshop: Accessing Your Embodied Wisdom for the Best YOU Ever in 2024
The Practice Lab PLUS
Individual Coaching with horses or virtually
