Imagine the original idea of you was like a beautifully designed, modern home. This home was designed by a very well-respected architect and was elegant, functional and comfortable in every last detail.
Now imagine someone who loved and cared for you deeply suggested it would look better if you added some lacy Victorian gingerbread trim. You agree because you value this person’s opinion. They’ve got more experience in these things. Another person thinks the design needs an additional log cabin wing. You love this person and want to please them, so you construct a log cabin wing in their honor.
As the years pass, more elements are added or removed. Some are due to what’s popular, new building requirements or input from family and friends. Some parts stay the same, like the gingerbread trim, which feels like so much a part of you because it’s been there so long.
One day, you discover the blueprint for a home that’s just what you always dreamed of. As you study the drawing, you realize it’s the blueprint for your house, but there’s no lacy trim, no log cabin addition, or any of the other additions and changes that had always thought were “just the way you were.”
Now, you set out to make repairs, remove parts that have been added on, and include elements that were left out from the start. You experience setbacks and overruns, but that’s to be expected. There are some areas that need to be restored rather than removed and take longer than you expect but you’re committed to the original, so you continue…
“Selena” was struggling as a small business owner with 3 young children and a. A typical high achiever, she was smart and expected a lot from herself. Her clients and family, both of whom she dearly loved, also expected a lot. She was drowning in expectations but ironically felt like a dry well with nothing good left to give.
She had tried all sorts of strategies, tips, and tactics. Some worked for a while, but eventually, she reverted to her old ways. She knew if she didn’t solve this problem, she wasn’t going to have a business much longer– or a family.
Selena wasn’t living out her “original blueprint.” As we worked together, she became aware of how outside forces had unconsciously shaped her on the inside. She learned and practiced healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and doing that were more balanced and boundaried. Her compassion for herself grew which meant she had more to give her family and clients without feeling depleted.
Ultimately, Selena replaced, “This is just who I am and I can’t change” with “I’m worth it and I can be OK without approval or acceptance by anyone else.” Today, her business is thriving and her relationships, too, because she had the courage and commitment to start the journey back to her original blueprint.
What has shaped you and your tendencies to avoid, confront, numb, or placate? How are these tendencies getting in your way and keeping you from being the person you were created to be?
What do you want instead? How do you want to think, feel, and do things differently?
If you feel like exploring this question, I’m here for you.
