If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now.
Let that sink in for a moment.
How many times have you pushed yourself to the brink, thinking that just a little more pressure, a little more self-criticism would finally unlock your potential?
We’ve all bought into this idea that being our own harshest critic is somehow noble, that it’s the fast track to success and self-improvement. But let’s be real for a second – has beating yourself up ever truly motivated you to do better? Or does it just leave you feeling drained, discouraged, and, well, beat up?
Does a flower grow faster when it’s yelled at? No! But it might if you talk to it lovingly.
My Personal Journey
Until a couple of years ago, if you had asked if I loved myself, I would have said an unwavering, “Yes. Of course.” Then I had an experience that changed everything for me.
I was sitting in a chair, arms wrapped around my body, bringing my attention and focus to my body. In the middle of noticing the sensations I was experiencing, I noticed an emotion that was new to me. It was genuine love for myself from myself.
It dawned on me. What I thought I was loving can caring for myself before, was really me trying to convince myself with the “right” thoughts. But this feeling came from deep inside, and it was immensely powerful in the softest, gentlest way. It was like being hugged from the inside out. Uplifting and grounding at the same time.
For the first time, my mind and my body agreed about what “loving myself” meant.
That small experience has grown since. It opened a door to a new way of relating to myself with more compassion and genuine care.
The Ripple Effect
When you start treating yourself with compassion, it doesn’t just change you – it changes how you interact with the world. It’s like this beautiful ripple effect that touches everything and everyone around you.
Suddenly, you’re not running on empty anymore. You’ve got more patience, more understanding, more love to give. We can all use more of that these days, can’t we?
Self-compassion isn’t just some fluffy, feel-good idea. In some ways, it’s downright rebellious. (“How dare you put yourself first” is usually what my inner critic says.)
How to Start
I invite you to start with a body scan exercise to get present. Set aside some time and find someplace quiet for 15-20 min. (Longer if you like!)
- Close your eyes and notice your feet as you take in a few nice, calming breaths.
How do they feel? The same? Does one feel bigger, heavier, denser, colder, etc. than the other? - Next, move up to you calves & shins. What do you notice?
- Continue up to your knees, thighs, hips, pelvis and up the rest of your body
- Be aware of the back of your body as well as the front.
- Simply notice your experience. No need to change anything or judge anything.
- Notice your jaw, tongue, the muscles around the eyes.
- Finish with a few more nice deep breaths.
Now that you’re attuned to your body, bring all your attention to the palace in your body where you feel the greatest sense of your Self. If you have no idea where that is, that’s OK, too.
Next, tell that part of you something like:
- I love you
- You are loveable
- You matter
- You are not too much
As you say this over and over, be sure you are FEELING it (not just thinking it.)
It’s the combination of feeling AND thinking it that makes the difference.
Your Next Step Forward
Remember, this journey to self-compassion isn’t about perfection – it’s about practice. Every time you catch yourself being harsh or critical, that’s an opportunity to try something new. That’s a moment to pause, breathe, and choose gentleness instead.
The body scan practice I shared is just the beginning. Like any new skill, self-compassion grows stronger with practice and guidance. I’ve watched countless clients transform their relationship with themselves using these embodied approaches, moving from constant self-criticism to genuine self-love.
Think about it: If you could redirect all the energy you spend being hard on yourself into actually supporting yourself, what might become possible?
Book an Exploration Call here.
