When a Honey Bear container is full, the honey fills every little hair, every bit of nose and ear.
We’ve all been allotted an amount of space to occupy in this life. Our challenge is to learn how to take up this space in every moment. All of it. No more. No less.
I’ve spent a lot of my life taking up less space than I’ve been allotted. Something big happened to me on my birthday last year that shifted the way I experienced “taking up space.”
My new horse, Bentley, arrived two days before my birthday. For the first couple of days, meetings between the other horses took place with fences between them so I could see how they got along. There was plenty of the usual posturing, squealing, and running around, but they all settled rather quickly. I’d even seen Isaac and Bentley napping next to each other and sharing hay under the fence. (pic)
It’s typical, when a new horse arrives, for them to be chased off for a while. Our 6-acre pasture provided enough space between them should they need it.
When I first put them in the pasture together, their initial interactions were very low-key. I smiled at the thought that Isaac would finally have a playmate his size in Bentley–and it might work out sooner than I thought.
Then things got more heated.
Isaac snaked his head at Bentley, communicating in no uncertain terms that he needed to move. Bentley acquiesced and ran off.
Isaac should have stopped at this point, but he didn’t. He chased Bentley harder and harder, crowding him into the fence. Bentley tried stopping and changing directions, but Isaac was relentless. Up and down the fence line and across the pasture, they raced like predator and prey.
I ran as best I could, my back screaming at me with every step, trying to catch Isaac’s attention, but there was no way I could outrun the ex-racehorse bred for speed.
My other horse, Roxy, called out to Isaac. Thankfully this diverted his attention and stopped him for a moment.
I managed to get between the two boys. Bentley was behind me trying to catch his breath. Isaac, in front, was torn between running down Bentley and guarding Roxy.
When he started eyeing Bentley again and made a move toward him, something rose up in me that was more solid than I’d *ever* felt before.
I said the loudest, firmest, “NO,” I’d ever said in my life to Isaac.
There was no waver of doubt or threat in my voice. The message was clear. Simultaneously, I felt a wave of energy emanate from the left side of my body and connect to the fence creating an energetic boundary. The message to Isaac was, “You can go *anywhere* over there you like, but *this* space is not available to you.”
This was definitely *not* our usual relationship pattern. He looked at me again as if questioning my resolve. I repeated my “NO”, holding fast with the same level of commitment.
Isaac turned his head and trotted off toward Roxy.
I took a deep breath of relief, looked back at Bentley, and got him back to safety.
I was really shaken that day. I thought it was the crappiest birthday ever. However, thinking about it later, I realized I took up every bit of space I had been allotted in that moment. Taking more space would have been a bluff, arrogance or anger, none of which I felt. Taking less would have been *hoping* that Isaac believed my “No.”
*Feeling* in my body what it was like to take up all my space was empowering. I now had a felt sense of what it was to take up ALL my space–no more, no less.
I changed that day and so did Isaac. He had always been an anxious horse. On alert all the time. These days, we have a much different relationship. We no longer relate to each other in the negative spiral of an anxiety feedback loop. The way I see it, when I learned how to properly take up *my* space, he didn’t have to. This allowed him to become the much more present and charismatic fellow that he is today.
If you’d like to explore taking up *your* space, join me at my free workshop on April 4.
