The other day I was leading a Trust Yourself workshop for women entrepreneurs and asked the participants to identify themselves as perfectionists, people pleasers or provers. While some chose all three, most admitted to frequently feeling the need to prove themselves.
I was sad, but not surprised that these accomplished, passionate women feel the need to prove they are good moms, that they can “handle the pressure,” or that they can do it by themselves–among other things.
This kind of unhealthy proving is bad for us all. It keeps us from remembering that we’re all doing the best we can, that our greatest pressure is often self-inflicted, and that we aren’t meant to do it alone.
What if you had nothing to prove?
In last night’s Conversations that Matter, we came up with some ways to tame the Proving Beast.
- Instead of comparing yourself to others, be grateful for their talent, success or growth and remember that you’re on your own path and comparison is the thief of joy.
- Remind yourself to “be you” instead of thinking you have to show up a certain way. Put down the weight of other people’s expectations.
- Own and celebrate that you are better at being you than anyone on the planet. You ARE the expert. You have nothing to prove.
- When it comes to feeling like you have to prove you’re “right,” consider that you might be trying to score points with someone who’s not keeping score. How might that be affecting the relationship.
- Cultivate a “felt sense of safety.” (I wrote about my recent experience here.) Essentially, it’s an internal feeling of peace and well being that you are aware of in your body. For me, it means I can be calm, present and ME, regardless of what’s going on around me.
I host Conversations that Matter every month on the second Wednesday. We’re a very open, accepting and curious group where I promise you’ll bewelcomed and affirmed. Mark your calendars and register now to join us for next time.
Who knows what challenges we’ll meet when we meet them together.
