Several years ago, I entered my first competitive trail challenge with my pinto mare, Roxy. She was a good partner and trail horse, but we’d never done a competition like this. The event consisted of 8-10 obstacles over 6 miles and we were judged on how skillfully or quickly we completed each obstacle, some natural, some manmade.
What I enjoyed most about it was our partnership. Working together to navigate the obstacles in unfamiliar environments and enjoying the beautiful countryside, I never even considered how the other riders and their mounts were doing. We were our only competition and I had no expectations about anything.
Back at camp, I had lunch and chatted with some other riders before ribbons prizes were to be awarded. (I didn’t even know they had ribbons!) As newcomers, I was certainly not expecting anything, but I was very satisfied with how we’d performed. I had nothing to prove.
I was quite surprised when they called our name for 2nd place. It was some nice icing on the cake, but the way we worked together that day–I already had my prize–my horse’s trust in me, and I in her.
As I think back to that time, I can still feel how connected we were. I was unconcerned with what anyone else thought or trying to prove that we were good enough to be there. Being present and connected with myself and my horse felt like we were in a bubble of peace. There, in that bubble, nothing else mattered. Not feeling the need to prove anything allowed us to get into a state of connectedness and accomplish more than if we had “tried really hard.”
How often do you feel the need to prove yourself?
Besides often feeling the need to prove I’m good enough, there’s pressure to be kind enough, successful enough, generous enough. I’m sure you can think of some other ways you’ve not felt __________ enough.
As the saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s really hard to stand out and fit in at the same time.
The antidote to this is to fit in with yourself first. Connect to yourself. Know yourself. Love and accept yourself fully with all your flaws, limitations, skills, and talents.
^^This ^^ is NOT a cognitive exercise. It’s an embodied one. You can’t “think positive” or affirm your way to loving yourself. Aligning the beliefs that are held in your survival brain with what you *really* think (and feel!!) is how this is done.
